


Honey

by palateens



Series: IncuBitty [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Belly Kink, Food Kink, Gender Issues, Hand Jobs, Inflation, Kinda, Magical Realism, Male Lactation, Nonbinary Character, Oral Sex, Other, Porn with Feelings, Slow Burn, Stuffing, Succubi & Incubi, Trans Character, Transitioning, Weight Gain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 02:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13894182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palateens/pseuds/palateens
Summary: "I'm not a girl," she says finally. "Maybe I'm a dude or something...or even nothing. But I'm not a girl.""I know, honey," he says.





	1. Prologue: Gender is a Lie

The first time Bitty meets Lardo, he's definitely surprised. He'd been waiting months to meet this mysterious manager. Lardo, from what his boys have told him, is fearless and clever. Lardo's the kind of person who walked into a room and commanded it effortlessly. Bitty spends winter break in the Haus with Shitty. Suzanne invited him home, and he honestly thought about it. But it's his first year with his own harem and he wants to be as close to them as possible. He knows Ransom and Holster couldn't get out of going home, but they came back early so the four of them could spend a quiet New Year's Eve together. (Well, quiet as in devoid of alcohol and hard drugs. There was a lot of screaming and jam.)

He doesn't expect a tiny Vietnamese person to walk into his kitchen like she owns the place. He expects Shitty to tackle whoever this is with fervor, but doesn't expect a soft welcome from Jack.

To say Bitty's intrigued would be an understatement. He introduces himself to her and admits "I thought you'd be--"    
"A 6-foot tall white dude?" She chirps.

Bitty knows that it's meant to be light, funny. A quick tease at the expense of the person misgendering her. He knows that for most people it works to diffuse tension. But the thing about being both very old and well versed in human body language, is Bitty catches the way her lips twitch for a moment. It's a tremble more than anything, and her eyes darken ever so slightly. It's the expression of someone so vulnerable yet so closed off. She wants to be confused for a man. She craves it. 

Lardo's trans, he realizes. Which changes everything and nothing at the same time. Lardo still commands a room. Lardo is fearless yet attentive. Bitty wants to see what she's all about, but he'll have to take a different approach.

He takes a step back from his planning. He gets to know Lardo, the real Lardo. Bitty offers to help with equipment and gear round up after practice. He walks with her to classes and back to her dorms.

When she goes home at nights, Bitty takes to ravishing his mates. Even if there have been a few close calls (mostly involving Ransom and impromptu study breaks), it's worth it to keep an air of normality when she's around. The second thing Bitty notices about her is she doesn't assume she's part of the group.

Her moves are calculated. He can see the risks and rewards being weighed in her mind every time she interacts with them. She participates when they've warmed her up enough. She declines hanging out when she's not feeling confident or wanted.    
Bitty stops her once or twice, offering to help her with art projects if she needs someone to grab supplies or just keep her company.

The first few times, Lardo declines. She brushes him off while fighting back an expression of minor shock. The more comfortable she gets around Bitty, the harder it is for her to hide behind a facade of indifference.

When Lardo finally invites Bitty to her studio, he thinks it's about time to get things moving. She trusts him. Maybe a little nudging will do well in his favor. He expects her to make him sit in a corner while he watches her weld something to a jock strap (he grew up in Italy two hundred years after the Renaissance, modern art baffles him at best).

"Take your shirt off," Lardo says instead.

He blinks. "Excuse me?" 

"I'm painting you," she explains.

"Oh, well, alright." 

He removes his flannel slowly, unsure how he feels that a potential mate is making the first move. 

"So how do you want me?" 

"On the floor," she says. 

He opens his mouth to protest when she starts laughing relentlessly.

Bitty glares. "Not funny, Duan."    
She snorts. "Of course it isn't funny to you, Bittle."

Still, she makes him lie down on a cot. It's old and worn, but not horribly uncomfortable.    
"I'm going to prep you first alright?" Lardo says.    
"Just so you know, I don't put out on the first date."    
She rolls her eyes, as if Bitty can't see the way her fingers tremble before digging into his back. Lardo massages all the tension out of his back, riding him of stress he didn't know he had.

"I change my mind," Bitty says after a while. "You can fuck me if you really want."

Lardo chuckles. "That would kinda defeat the purpose of being gay, wouldn't it, Bits?"    
He shrugs. "I don't see how."    
She doesn't respond. "I'm going to grab paint."

"So that's what you're using me for," he teases.    
"Yea, normally I don't go for skinny white dudes--"    
"Hey now," he warns.   
"But I figured everyone has an exception."

"Or maybe it isn't that simple," he mutters to himself.

If Lardo hears him, she doesn't comment. She dips her brush into a shade of slate blue. He watches her hands dance circles around his back, sweeping across it delicately yet deliberately. Lardo sticks her tongue out of the corner of her mouth when she gets more invested in the piece.

He wonders if she loves art because she doesn't have to hide in her pieces. Art has no gender, and no restrictions beyond her imagination. Bitty sees entire universes in her eyes. He sees the way she creates and destroys in a matter of seconds. Lardo knows how to see the big picture. She could make such beautiful artwork if time was on her side.

"Ok I think this is as good as it's gonna get," she says, wiping her brow. "Wanna see?"   
"Of course, honey," he says.

She snaps a picture of his back with her phone, presenting it to him hesitantly. Lardo painted Venice on his back. The style emulates the portraiture he grew up around while still capturing the soft subtleties of the Harlem Renaissance. He tells her as much.    
Lardo blushes. "Thanks. I just--I wanted to paint something that reminds me of you."

Bitty smiled softly. "I appreciate that. I love this so much."    
It's in this moment that Bitty realizes he needs her in his harem. He can't except it any other way.

She keeps inviting him to her studio, and he keeps coming. She doesn't always paint. But when she does it's on Bitty, for Bitty.

He's smitten, and he knows it. It's gets to the point that even Holster notices.    
"Jesus, Bits, aren't you like full on gay?" He says one day after Bitty comes back from walking Lardo home.    
"She's not--" he starts to protest.    
Ransom looks up from his laptop, frowning. "Not what?"    
Bitty scrubs his face. He isn't outing her to anyone, not even His mates. That should be telling enough about how far gone he is.

“Nothing,” Bitty says instead. “It’s nothing like you think.”

Holster shrugs. “Whatever you say, Bits, it’s your immortal sex demon cult.”

Bitty glares. “It’s  _ our _ immortal sex demon harem, baby cakes.”

Still, he knows very little about how to proceed. He’s uncharacteristically worried about screwing this up.

So, on a sunny day in late April he does something he’s been dreading for months. He calls his mother.

“Dicky!” Suzanne says cheerfully before he can say hello. "How are you sweetie?"

"I'm fine, mama," he says. "How was your day?"

"Oh it was alright. I went to the graveyard to see Harriet. She sends her love."

He chuckles. "Send my love back. Did y'all have a good talk today?"

"As good as can be, I think," Suzanne admits. "I read her the Times and we did the crossword together. Same as always."

"So what's wrong?"

"She wants me to make a Twitter account for her so I can run her social media uprising."

Bitty can't hold back his laughter. "You'd think after a hundred years as a ghost, she'd take a break every once in a while."

"Baby, it's Harriet. If she didn't take a break during the Civil Rights movement why would she now?" Suzanne says with a fondness. "Anyway, enough about us old geezers how are you? What's the special occasion? Is Holster's concussion healing up alright?"

"He's doing well, he should be NHL eligible again soon. But no, we're fine. All of us," Bitty says.

"Ok what's his name?" Suzanne asks.

"Well, she goes by Lardo--" 

"Oh Dicky is that it? She's non-binary isn't she?" 

He licks his lips. "Yes." 

Bitty takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Mama, am I crazy? She's not out but I can see it every time she catches her reflection in the mirror. She wants more." 

"And you could give that to her," she says. 

"Exactly." 

Suzanne hums thoughtfully. "Is she interested?" 

"I think so," Bitty says.

"You either think or you know, Ermes," she scolds. 

"I know she does," he insists. "But she and all these cockymany people don't seem to understand the difference between sexual and romantic attraction." 

"So teach them."

Bitty sighs. "It's not that simple."

Suzanne tsks. "You waited over three hundred years to start your own harem. Why? What did you tell me in 66?"

"...That humans aren't ready to take gender fluidity seriously and I won't waste time with transphobes."

"Exactly," she says. "You've waited so long. You found yourself a good group of boys who don't care for genitals one way or another. Do you know how long it took to convince your father to have you?" 

Bitty snorts, "too long."

"Too long is right," she says. "You want her, she wants you. Teach her to love herself and the rest will come, alright." 

If anyone else were to give this advice, he thinks it would be a hard pill to swallow. But she's the head of the second oldest incubi clan, and his mother. So he knows she has his best interest at heart.

He keeps walking Lardo to class, and taking her to dinner, and sitting with her as she frantically finishes her final projects.

Bitty stays up with her until four am the final day of classes. Lardo tells him to go home, but after the second time he says no she relents and offers to pull out the cot for him. He makes her sit down too as she puts the finishing touches on a miniature compostable bucket sculpture that's part of a larger project on sustainable materials.

When she finishes she slumps against his chest; her lids slowly shut. 

"You didn't have to stay up with me," she mumbles into his bare skin. 

"I know," he says. "I wanted to be here. C'mon let's get some sleep." 

"I don't--" she whines as he makes them both lie down on the cot. 

She protests only slightly before resting on top of him. Bitty runs a hand through her short hair. 

"You're so strong you know that?" he says. "And resilient, and handsome. You've fought so hard to get where you are today." 

He can feel his chest dampen underneath Lardo's face, he squeezes her tightly.

"I just thought you should know," he continues. "That the world may not see you, but I do."

Lardo remains quiet for a while. Bitty thinks she's fallen asleep when--

"Hey Bits?" 

"Yea, Honey?" 

She breathes heavily. He pulls her closer toward him, not letting her go. 

"I'm not a girl," she says finally. "Maybe I'm a dude or something...or even nothing. But I'm not a girl." 

"I know, honey," he says. "Thank you for telling me." 

She nods. "I don't want things to be weird between us." 

"They're not," he says. "You're not a girl which is good because I'm not interested in them." 

"Ok," she says. 

He can hear the protests on her lips, of not being what he has in mind, of not being good enough or manly enough. He kisses her forehead, wondering if she knows how good the cologne she wears smells with her natural scent. 

"We'll talk about it more in the morning, honey," Bitty says. 

"Cool." And he knows she means it.


	2. Mutual Orgasms = True Friendship

Lardo wakes up on Reading Day  to the sound of frat boys screaming in the distance. She groans, nuzzling further into Bitty's warm chest. It wasn't a dream, she tells herself.

She doesn't want to move in case she's completely wrong. But then a hand cards through her hair. Lardo shivers, peeling one eye open. Bitty's watching her with a mix of fascination and awe.  His other hand traces over every groove of her back. He's admiring her. Her gut instinct is to shove him away, maybe make a chirp about him being too sensitive for a hockey player. Because people don't treat her the way she deserves, least of all jocks.

Then again, it's _Bitty_. There's something about him that keeps her interesting. There's something in the cadence of his voice and the certainty in his step that's just so peculiar. He's too regal, too mature, and then two seconds later he's starting a flour fight with Holster. He's an enigma, a world she's learning piece by piece. Bitty hums softly enough for her to hear. It's something vaguely familiar yet stuffy like Vivaldi or some shit like that.  She huffs, lifting her head.

"You're a fucking oven, you know," she says.

He smirks. "Comes with the territory."

"Yea, if you're a fucking werewolf."

His silence is eerie. "If you tell me you're a fucking werewolf, I'll kill you."

Bitty snorts. "Those movies were trash...and grossly inaccurate."

"Still not denying it, Bits."

"Do I look like a werewolf?"

"No..."

"Good," he says haughtily.

She has no idea why she's indulging this idea, except for the fact that Bitty acts like an eighty year old sometimes and does stupid shit like he'll never die .

"What does a werewolf look like, Bits?" she asks slowly.

"Ugly," he says. "That's all you need to know..."

"Ok, fine, be weird," she says, falling back onto him.

"You'd never believe me," he argues.

She glares at him. "Try me."

He chuckles. "You're so easy sometimes."

Before she can protest, a rush of wind envelops them. Lardo might shriek in surprise. Bitty might laugh, and she might pinch his arm harshly because of it. But when she looks up, they're lying on the couch in the Haus. They were definitely in her studio a moment ago.

Bitty sits up, easily carrying her upstairs. Lardo grumbles the entire way up, not entirely upset with the situation.

He puts her down in front of Shitty's room. "Wait a second, I'll be right back."

Lardo stares at the floorboards waiting for him. She only then notices that she's wearing nothing but boxer shorts and the one sports bra she's owned since high school.

Bitty comes out a moment later with a half smile as he props the door open. "C'mon in, I wanna show you something."

Shitty's room looks the same as always, a large pile of clothing gathering dust in the corner next to the closet and the bed taking up entirely too much space in the room. She wonders if he's ever considered moving it against the wall. Meanwhile, Shitty's laying on his bed in nothing but a Samwell t-shirt and a pair of panties.

"Hey Shits," Lardo says.

Shitty looks up from his phone. "Lards, I'm like--so fucking excited you finally came around."

"She doesn't know yet," Bitty says.

Shitty glares at him. "Then what are we doing?"

"Showing her," he says.

Shitty sits up. "Uh, no, we're talking this shit out thoroughly first."

Lardo wants to agree, but she can't stop staring at his underwear. "Hey Shits."

He turns away from Bitty. "Yea, Lards?"

"No offence but like," she says slowly. "Didn't your dick used to be...larger?"

Shitty shrugs. "Eh, yea sure. Kinda got sick of it."

Lardo opens her mouth, then closes it. She stares back at Bitty who is _definitely_ not a werewolf. But he has to be _something_ because people don't just get rid of their fucking dicks.

"Ok, start from the beginning," she demands.

Which is how she gets the world's quickest crash course on incubi...and magic...and immortal sex demon harems.

It's a lot to process.

She rubs her temples furiously. "So....sex demon magic means you can like, change your junk?"

"There's more to it than that--" Shitty starts to argue.

"I'm looking for sparknotes here," she says.

"Ok then yea."

She looks at Bitty. "And it's like...permanent?"

Bitty frowns. "We, incubi and our mates, change our 'junk' whenever we like. It can be as permanent or as temporary as you want. As for immortality, well that's entirely up to you. Some mates choose to age and die. Most don't, and they're still alive. But even if you choose to join us and then die, you'd be buried in the family cemetery along with all the other ghosts. It's real fun back there."

"The ghosts have fun too," she deadpans.

"Two Words, Lards: Harriet Fucking Tubman," Shitty says excitedly.

"That's three, sugar," Bitty says. "But yes, Harriet's there's and she's one of my mother's favorite mates."

Lardo thinks her brain might break. "Ok what is Shitty going to show me."

Bitty crosses his arms. "Well someone texted me early this morning with an SOS because he doesn't listen."

"What'd you do Shits?" Lardo asks.

Shitty groans, flopping back against the bed. "I've had this fucking cunt for so long that my uterus started working."

"And who warned you that would happen if you never switch back?" Bitty asks.

"You did," he groans.

"And who told you to let me know before you got too horny?"

"It's finals season," Shitty says. "I've been busy."

"And now?" Bitty prompts.

"...And now I'm fucking desperate so stop being an ass and help me," Shitty snaps.

Bitty shakes his head. "I'll be right back."

He slams the door on his way out. Lardo turns back to Shitty. "So why do you have a cunt and why are you horny? And what's he going to do?"

"I like it better," he says dismissively. Which, Lardo knows is fair. She can't remember the number of times they got high and joked about switching parts.

"And because instead of like, ovulating or bleeding, I get really sex crazed once a month..." he says. "Which wouldn't happen as badly if I gave Bits a heads up and let him know I need _attention_."

"That sounds so weird," she says.

He shrugs. "You don't have to stick around if you feel uncomfy. But you probably want to see this."

She doesn't have time to argue because Bitty comes bustling in with a large box in hand.

"We should harvest over the summer," Bitty says.

"Sounds good, just get me off now," Shitty says.

Bitty shakes his head. "Lardo you can leave whenever you want, but I think it's important you watch. Shitty and I have talked and agreed that you should feel free to watch. But you need to ask him if you'd like to touch."

"Alright," she says quietly. "Where should I sit?"

"Bed's big enough for the two of us," Shitty says.

So she sits down next to his feet. Even though she knows what to expect, it throws her completely off guard when he takes off his panties and there's lips where a dick and balls should be. Lardo swallows.

Shitty notices her watching. "You wanna inspect for authenticity?"

"Shut up," she says weakly.

"No I'm serious," he swears.

She scoots closer as he splays his legs open. His dick is so small compared to what it used to be. She stares at his cunt, it's dripping wet with anticipation. She wants nothing more than to lick it clean.

"Can I...do something?" she asks.

"I could use a finger or two in there," he admits.

She tentatively puts her middle finger into him, amazed by how wet soft he is. Shitty groans about her, shifting his hips up and down. She takes the hint, sticking another finger in as she slowly fucks him.

"Fuck, Bits, I'm starving," he whines.

"I'm coming, sugar,"Bitty says. "Take off your shirt for me?"

"No," he says softly.

"That's the fourth shirt this semester," Bitty says with a certain level of fondness. "Do you want Lardo to keep fucking you?"

"Yea," Shitty says.

"Alright," Bitty says. "Maybe both of you would like to try doing it the old fashion way."

Lardo's hand goes a little further into Shitty on the next stroke. She feels Shitty come a little. Thankfully there's such a thing as multiple orgasms.

"She can't make her dick bigger yet," Shitty says.

"Sugar, please, I have sex toys," Bitty says.

Lardo isn't sure she's ready for incubi sex toys. But Bitty pulls out of Shitty's closet what looks like a pretty standard double sided strap-on. Lardo can work with that.

He gives it to her to figure out as he starts to hand Shitty different desserts. She doesn't know why, but the sight excites her.  Shitty stuffs his mouth relentlessly. When Lardo finally has the strap-on secure inside of her she re-situates herself between Shitty's legs.

"Why don't we put some pillows under your hips so Lardo can get really deep into you?" Bitty asks.

Shitty nods as he eats more. It's only then that Lardo notices his stomach is pudging out. Weird, he hasn't eaten that much.

She pushes into Shitty slowly. Somehow, it's like her pleasure is intensified. Like she can feel herself getting fucked as she fucks. Bitty pops a few strawberries into Shitty's mouth.

"Why don't you touch his belly, honey?" Bitty says. "See what happens."

She tentatively rubs Shitty's stomach. She gasps, it feels just as good as getting her dick stroked. She starts to fuck him harder, realizing that whatever Bitty's done has tied their sexual pleasure together.

"Bits," Shitty says as he teases a small breast through his shirt. "I need more."

"You just want more of Holster's cream," Bitty says.

"Guilty, but please?"

Lardo watches Bitty smile as he grabs a large container of white liquid from the box. "Only because I love you... And once you and Holster get on a drinking kick it doubles our reserves."

She watches him lift Shitty's head up, angling it so he can tilt the liquid straight into Shitty's mouth. She feels the warmth of it in the pit of her stomach. It makes her dick pulse as her cunt clenches onto the strap-on. She fucks Shitty slowly as she watches his belly balloon out. It triples in size with every gulp of cream. Lardo bites her lip, her dick feels so hard. She watches Shitty's breasts swell up as well. They starts to leak out onto his shirt. Without thinking, she bends over to get a taste.

Two things happen then: one, she tastes the best strawberry milk of her life; two, she feels how amazing it is for Shitty whenever his fat belly gets jostled.

Lardo catches his nipple with her mouth. Even through his shirt, she's able to suck it plentifully. She shifts back for a second, slamming into him harder so his belly will churn as Bitty continues filling him. Shitty yelps in the middle of gurgled pants. She doesn't stop because she knows this is the best sex he's had in weeks. She can feel his pent up sexual tension crashing in waves against them both. Lardo puts her hands on his belly,  squeezing and jiggling it as it expands. She continues to fuck him hard enough to move his massive fat. She imagines having a bigger dick to fuck him with. She thinks of using her own dick to rut against his belly as she sucks his tits dry.

When Shitty's shirt rips, little pouches of fat come spilling out of the tears. Lardo finally pulls his shirt off him, pushing her hands into his bare skin.

"Lardo, why don't you rim his belly button a little?" Bitty suggests.

She reluctantly stops drinking from Shitty's breast,  sitting up so she can put her tongue into Shitty's (most likely extremely sensitive belly button. It takes her a second to get a comfortable position but when she does, it's immediate gratification. His belly is filled with strawberry jam. She fucks him with her tongue as she pulls her strap-on out of his. Instead, she uses her hands to fuck his other hole and tease his dick.

Lardo's never felt so hungry and horny in her life. But this is about Shitty and his aching hips and gigantic belly begging to be squeezed and loved like the doughy mess it is. She moves her mouth to his dick,  sucking on it gently as her free hand vigorously shakes his belly. She feels him start to orgasm so she sweetens the deal, sneaking her tongue underneath his hood.

Shitty  screams in ecstasy.  Lardo goes even lower, licking his trembling legs and soaked cunt dry. He comes another two times while she does.

By the time she's finished, her dick is throbbing and desperate for release. Bitty murmurs for her consent. She nods, it only takes a few seconds of him stroking her dick and finger fucking her for her to erupt.  She ends up naked in bed with Shitty, playing with his breasts.

"So what do you think, honey?" Bitty coos softly. "Is this something you could see yourself doing for a while?"

 _Or forever_ goes unsaid.

"Yea," she admits "I really think I could."


	3. A Family Affair

The summer after his Frog year, Bitty drags his harem down to Georgia with him to meet his clan. They can't meet all of them because that endevour would take literally years and a few trips around the earth (and that would just be to visit his siblings...). But Suzanne's relatively new mansion is a safer harbor for anyone in her family wanting advice and support. Most of the house is occupied by recent parents and their children. Some guests are staying on the continent for a few years before traveling back to their home countries (incubi can teleport over thousands of miles, but it's exhausting for anyone in excess).

 

Ransom and Holster get off most of the summer by telling their parents they have a cross country road trip planned with a few other teammates. (Bitty promises to actually take them fun places around the country, just with a lot less driving involved.) Shitty tells his dad that he's going to a pre-law intensive over the summer while he tells his mom mostly the truth.

 

"I'm going to meet my boyfriend's family," he tells her. She's in the middle of finalizing grades for her students so she says she expects to meet this boyfriend as soon as he gets back and to have fun.

 

Lardo gets roped in at the last minute, and tells her parents as much when they ask why she didn't tell them before.

"Call us everyday," her mother says with a tight hug. "And don't let those boys get you arrested."

Bitty makes sure to teleport right to his suite so his cousins' children won't trample them before they've gotten settled. He shows them around the grounds, introducing them to whoever they pass along the way.

"If anyone asks 'who's human are you' just say Ermes," he instructs them.

 

Holster doesn't seem to get it, but Ransom and Lardo's cackling tells him all he needs to know.

 

"Some of us were born before the colonial era," he says with a huff.

 

Ransom pats his back. "Hey, you could do a lot worse than the Italian version of the god of language."

 

Lardo snickers. "I need to see you in a toga now."

Bitty rolls his eyes. "Y'all are such humans sometimes."

 

He lets Ransom and Holster jump into the pool, warns Shitty not to annoy Harriet or Charles, and takes Lardo to meet Suzanne. Everyone else has seen her on Skype before. There's also a small issue they have to attend to.

Bitty takes her by the hand and leads her to the kitchen. Lardo whistles when they walk in.

"This is bigger than my parents apartment," she mumbles.

"We can fix that," Bitty says. "If you want, of course."

 

She smirks, kissing his cheek. "Fuck yea, lord money bags."

 

"That's a new one," Suzanne calls out from the pantry. She steps out with a box full of jars in hand.

Lardo immediately goes to offer help. Suzanne graciously accepts.

"You must be Lardo," she says with a twinkle in her eye. "Dicky's talked his head off about you for months."

"Dicky?" Lardo smiles mischievously.

 

"It was the 30s, I needed a more modern name. My father is Ricardo, his American name is Richard. Richard, Dicky, there? See, not weird," Bitty says.

 

"Whatever you say...Dicky," Lardo cackles.

"I like you, hun," Suzanne says. "Oh, yes tell me what pronouns should I refer to you by?"

 

Lardo blushes, she bites her lip. "Uh, any are fine I guess? I'm not too upset with she honestly."

 

"Is they alright?" Suzanne asks.

 

"Yea," Lardo says with a soft smile.

"Perfect," she says. "Now Dicky, why on God's green earth is this lovely person not bonded to you yet?"

"Is, uh, God real?" Lardo asks.

"Not the way you think," Bitty and Suzanne says simultaneously.

"Cool," they shrug.

"Well as I was trying to tell you, I've been courting Lardo for months--"

 

"You have?!"

 

Bitty raises his eyebrows. "Honey, carrying your books, walking you to class, buying you dinner? really?"

They lean against the kitchen island, twiddling their thumbs. "Sure, I guess that makes sense. That's just...really formal."

 

Lardo doesn't get that he wants them, Bitty realizes. He wraps an arm around their shoulder, kissing their forehead. "You're worth the wait," he says quietly.

 

They bite their lip. "Ok."

 

Bitty looks up at Suzanne. "Lardo's compatible with the rest of the harem, but I can't....figure out their specialty yet."

 

Suzanne hums, frowning. "Have you tried raspberries? Mangos? Oranges? You know, bananas are rare but not unheard of--"

 

"Yes, mama," he says with a sigh. "Every fruit, every vegetable, nothing."

 

Suzanne tsks. "You're missing a few, I know it."

She goes to the fridge, pulling out a few plates of deserts. She puts them in front of Lardo. "Eat, hun, don't think, just enjoy."

 

Lardo shrugs, taking a piece of cake. They eat a few bites before moving onto carrot cake. They frown, putting it down before eating any of it.

 

"What's wrong?" Suzanne asks.

 

"It's...not sweet enough?" Lardo says. "I don't know how I know that. I just know it's gonna taste plain and gross."

 

"Not sweet--" Bitty starts to say.

 

"Dicky, hush, I know just what this is," Suzanne says.

She pulls a bag out of the freezer. "You know how rare a sweetener is? Dicky how do you finds these mates?!"

She hands Lardo a flourless chocolate mini cake. They take a few bites but put it down, shaking their head. Suzanne pulls out some maple cream dessert, but Lardo shakes their head before it gets too close.

 

"It smells weird," they explain.

 

Suzanne puts a piece of Baklava in their hands. Bitty watches with bated anticipation. Lardo takes an uncharacteristically large bite. He can tell the second they taste it because their eyes bulge. They scream in their mouth, and their free hand goes straight to their crouch.

 

"Well would you look at that, you've got yourself a little honey bee, Dicky," Suzanne says. She digs something out of underneath the island. She hands him a honeycomb. "Guess I should call Judy and ask for new pollen."

 

Bitty rolls his eyes. He scoops a mildly distressed Lardo up into his arms. "Thank you, mother."

 

"Anytime," she preens. "Don't forget to silence your room! There are little ears running about!"

 

Bitty chuckles as he makes his way up the stairs. Lardo pants against the nape of his neck.

 

"We're not doing anything too crazy right now, right?" they ask.

 

"Not if you don't want to," he promises. "What do you need?"

 

"Just a hand job," they murmur. "Fuck, this feels so weird. Like--good weird."

 

"It's perfectly normal, I swear."

 

"Yea, I know," Lardo says. "I trust you."

 

A warmth fills Bitty. It's a reassurance he didn't know he needed. "We'll take things slow, I promise."


	4. Beginner's Guide to Weight Gain

Lardo brings it up the day before they leave to go back to school.

"So, everyone kinda likes being fat around here?" they say as they help Bitty and Holster pack.

Holster shrugs. "Guess when you're immortals who don't get tied up in  societal bullshit, and literally get off on being fat it's not such a bad thing."

"But  _ you _ don't have to stay fat," Lardo says.

"Guess not. It's nice for a while, at least." Holster muses.

Lardo feels their fingers slip a little as they clutch the next shirt they have to fold. They can feel Bitty's eyes weighing down on them.

"Dumpling, why don't you go see if Agatha needs help rounding up her babies?" Bitty suggests to Holster. He doesn't need to be told twice, practically bolting out of the room.

Lardo giggles. "He's got it bad."

They watch Bitty hum contently. "He'll make a good daddy someday."

Bitty puts down a shirt on top of a large stack of shirts. He teleports it, Lardo assumes, to the dresser in the back of Ransom's closet in the Haus. He takes a seat on the edge of the king sized bed that takes up half his room. He pats the space next to him. Lardo groans, unsure if they're in the mood for a long talk. But then again, isn't this what they were hoping for? Bitty to listen and really understand what they want, even if it's just what they want in this moment.

Lardo scoots close enough for their knees to touch. They stare at the swooping patterns in the rug below the bed, memorizing each curve and implied motion.

Bitty takes one of their hands, kissing it slowly. "You know, a little extra weight can look pretty manly."

Lardo chuckles sadly. "I thought that was supposed to be my line."

"Humor me," Bitty says. "I think I know what you want to say, but I could be wrong."

"Ok," they say, swallowing. "So, Lards, what seems  to be the trouble?" they say in their thickest southern accent.

Bitty gives them a withering look. "You wound me, Mx. You sound like my daddy not me."

"But I'll let it slide, because I love you," he says. "Y'know, Bits, it's great that everyone uses gender neutral pronouns for me here. But here isn't the rest of the world, and like, what if I go back and the dysphoria is too much?"

Lardo smiles. "I don't sound like a fucking Californian, Bits."

"Yes you do, honey," he argues. "But tell me I'm wrong."

They sigh. "You're not."

Bitty nods. He clutches their hand a little tighter. "You miss being bigger."

"Fuck yea," they admit. "I want people to call me sir and shit again."

"Ok," Bitty agrees. "You don't want to gain it all at once so people don't treat you badly."

"Yea," they admit. "Fatphobia still kinda sucks...But I think I loved myself more when I could just be my own fucking size. If that makes sense?"

"It makes perfect sense, honey. I'll help you, don't worry."

They set some ground rules and a general timeline to follow when they return to campus the next day. It's nothing too formal, but it gives Bitty a regimen to keep himself in line with and Lardo the reassurance that it'll all come together eventually.

Bitty starts Lardo off with the basics, adding a little pollen from Aunt Judy's garden into everything they eat. Because Jack's still the worst around pre-season, they wait for the first game of the season to really start their project. Bitty gives Shitty some of their best jam thus far to put into the tub juice. It doesn't change the experience for most of the party goers, but for them it's a rather active night. When Lardo wakes up the next morning, it's to a raging boner and the smell of pancakes downstairs.

They peel theirself away from Ransom's sleeping body and creep downstairs. The aroma practically entrances them with each passing step. It smells just sweet enough for Lardo to stand. They've gotten more sensitive to inferior and artificial sweeteners the more honeycomb and pollen Bitty feeds them.

Lardo finds Bitty in the kitchen, bickering with Chowder.    
"I'm just saying you could've given me a warning--" Chowder says.   
"I told you how many times? Stay away from the tub juice."    
"It's not about me," he grumbles.    
Lardo watches Bitty's begin to protest. They know for a fact that no matter what these two are arguing about, Bitty's too annoyed and stubborn to see anyone else's perspective.    
So Lardo speaks up, "hey, I know he's an idiot but I swear he didn't mean it."

Chowder looks at Lardo gobsmacked. He goes back to glaring at Bitty. "I want dibs."

Bitty shrugs. "I told you months ago that you could have them. It's not my fault you won't mate with them."    
"Bits," Lardo cuts in again. "Your attitude is ten levels of unnecessary right now."    
Bitty snaps his mouth shut. "I'm sorry,  Jyu. Of course I was not trying to claim your potential mates. I won't let our supplies get into the tub juice again."    
Chowder rubs his temples. "Fine, Ermes. I'm still angry, but no harm done."    
"Baby--"   
"I'll see you later," he says without letting Bitty finish.

Lardo stares at the front door long after Chowder slams it shut. They cross their arms as they glare at Bitty.    
"He's the one who wants  _ you _ how are you fucking that up?"    
Bitty sighs, crumbling a bit. "I told him this was a bad idea. He doesn't even know when to go after potential mates and he thinks he's ready to be courted?"    
Lardo hums. "Maybe you're so scared of fucking him up that you're sabotaging shit?"    
Bitty snorts. "I know you're right."

Lardo sits down at the table. "At least we agree on that."

He nods. "I'll go grovel later. For now, though, I owe you breakfast."

Lardo let's the topic die as Bitty puts a tall stack of pancakes infront of them, smothered real maple syrup.    
"This is just the first batch alright?" Bitty tells them. "We need to stretch out your stomach before you start packing on the real weight."

So they tuck away at the pancakes. By the time Bitty brings the second stack, Lardo's feeling full and tired. Bitty tells them to pull down their pants. Then massages their full tummy as they finish the second stack. The third stack goes the same way, except Lardo's panting and ready for a break. Bitty ends breakfast by eating Lardo's cunt. It's a dessert they both enjoy.

Over the next two months, Bitty puts himself in charge of Lardo's every meal. He has them eat until well past their full, often sneaking snacks into their backpack for classes. After a few weeks of constant eating, it becomes Lardo's new normal. Their stomach starts to work on Bitty's schedule, often forcing them to stop working on projects to snack or take a nap.

The changes to their body don’t come right away. But when they start to keep pace with people at team breakfast, and when they find theirself petting their stomach absentmindedly is when their body starts to change. Lardo's thighs are first. When their skinny jeans no longer fit, they try the next size up and realize their ass has plumped up as well. They show Bitty as much and he rewards them with their own lasagne in bed. (Bitty hands feeds it to them as Lardo masterbates to his soft praises.)

When snow starts to fall in November, Lardo's muffin top is hidden under thick oversized sweaters. Neither they nor Bitty enjoy it. So Bitty replaces their sweaters and jeans with more form fitting leggings and sweaters. There's nothing of Lardo's new butt left to the imagination. For Hausgiving, Bitty strictly commands Lardo to eat everything put in front of them that day.

This starts first thing in the morning as Bitty and Chowder's taste tester for the day. Lardo eats egg yolks, left over sugar, the last bit of jam in a jar. Then Lardo's given multiple servings of French Toast for breakfast. They're glad they've been eating larger meals gradually throughout the semester, otherwise they'd be stuffed and uncomfortable by now.

When everyone else wakes up and makes their way downstairs, Lardo claims a spot on the couch. Bitty brings out a large bowl of cookie dough, fudge and a bag of chips. He tells Lardo to call him when they're finished. Lardo tears through all of it within an hour. They decide that since the portions will only get larger from here to change into sweats and a t-shirt. They try to borrow a pair of Shitty’s but quickly realize that they’re from before Bitty came into their lives, and would definitely fit no one in their harem at this point.

Instead, they grab a pair of sweats from Holster’s closet, as well as a bag of pretzels from his stash.

Lardo is greeted with a fresh plate of sticky buns upon returning downstairs. They decide to eat in the kitchen. Surprisingly, it feels like their dick gets a little longer in the course of moaning and nibbling in front of Bitty and Chowder. Bitty gives Lardo’s tummy a firm rub, whispering “today’s just a food baby, tomorrow we’re gonna make you nice and fat.”

Which is how Lardo spends the rest of thanksgiving in the kitchen being fed by her harem every until long after the sun goes down. By the time Bitty decides they're finished, Lardo has a food baby the size of a six month real baby. Chowder bids them all goodnight as their harem massages every inch of Lardo's holiday chub. Ransom eats them out as Holster massages their big belly. Shitty takes to playing with their breasts, pointing out with pride that "you almost can't see them around this belly."    
Lardo smiles, happy that they're making progress.

The last two weeks of the semester is when Bitty cracks down on their schedule. He feeds Lardo morning noon and night, only allowing them sugar and junk food. If they were anyone else, Lardo would be concerned about Bitty's sanity and motives. But they do trust Bitty, and when they're leggings get too tight and their belly starts to solidify into a small permanent mound second only to their ass, Lardo feels accomplished and well loved.

The night before finals, Lardo falls asleep as Bitty is funneling chocolate sauce into their mouth. They feel a little warmer than usual, and their new underwear barely fits anymore, so they lie naked and plump on Bitty's bed.

"You look so handsome, honey," Bitty murmurs. "Any day now and you'll be giving us our first batch in centuries."    
Lardo nods, palming their dick harshly. Their dick grew another centimeter in the last month or so. Not enough to be mistaken for a penis, but long enough that it brushes against Lardo's lips whenever they walk. Their dick makes it nearly impossible to snack and walk at the same time, leaving them too aroused to move.

Lardo falls asleep that night with Bitty fucking them softly, hands squeezing every inch of fat. It's good to be a sex demon's partner, they think.


	5. Bigger is Better

Lardo wakes up the first morning of first semester finals alone in Shitty's bed, feeling like a furnace. Their dick feels unbelievably hard and their cunt begs to be touched. They try to sit up but struggle to do so. It's then that they get a good look at theirself. Their belly popped overnight, changing from a thick, yet flat, center to a rounded monstrosity that could rival even Holster's heaviest days.

They try to reach around their stomach to touch their dick, unsuccessful. They can, however, touch their massive belly. It's just as sensitive as Shitty's. Their cunt starts to leak as they attempt to rut against their blanket for some much needed friction. Unfortunately it does nothing. Lardo groans in frustration.  
"Bits!" they scream, scream.

Less than a minute later, Bitty and Ransom come barreling into the room. Lardo tries to sit up, but is left sweating and achy between their legs. They need to be touched.   
"Fuck," they rasp. "A little help, please?"

Bitty nods, instructing Ransom to grab some milk and a bucket from downstairs. He makes his way to Lardo's side, wiping sweat off their face and kissing their lips softly.   
"I'm so sorry, honey. It looks like we should've milked you a few hours ago."   
Lardo nods weakly. "It's fine, fix it now."

"One second, now honey doesn't work the same way as jam," Bitty says. "That's one of the reasons it's so rare. It doesn't come out of your belly button."   
"Then where does--"   
Lardo's cut off by the sensation of Bitty sticking a finger into their cunt. They feel their stomach cramp. The sensation too satisfying and arousing to describe. Lardo reaches for their belly but is stopped by Bitty's hand.   
"Honey wait for the bucket, we can't be losing all of this product."   
Lardo sighs. "Does it at least taste good?"   
Bitty puts his honey covered finger infront of their mouth. "Why don't you tell me?"

They reluctantly lick Bitty's finger. It's the best tasting sweet Lardo's had in so long. They feel their dick pulse as their belly pops out a little further.   
Bitty hums. "Maybe we should've induced you at Thanksgiving..."   
"Not having a baby, not getting any less horny and desperate here," Lardo growls.   
"Right sorry," Bitty says just as Ransom bustles in with a quart of Shitty's milk and bucket. Bitty conjures up a chair with a large hole in the middle.   
"Alright, honey, Ransom and I are gonna move you to this chair. All you gotta do is relax and let us take care of you ok?"   
Lardo nods.

They pick Lardo up together, gently setting them down in the chair. Bitty helps them pull their bra and underwear off. As soon as open air hits Lardo's dick, they their cunt start to leak openly. Ransom gets on his knees, taking their dick firmly in his mouth. He sucks it forcefully. Lardo instinctively starts to rock their hips forward, fucking him in his mouth. Their dick isn't so big that it's unbearable, but Ransom definitely has to maneuver his tongue around it. Lardo vaguely hears Bitty chant a few words before putting his hands on their breasts. Lardo's belly starts to tingle. They watch in rapture as any remaining fat there is moved to their gut. Lardo comes, screaming with joy, just from the sight.

Bitty chuckles, kissing them. "You're officially mine, honey. You hear? Mine forever."

Lardo pants, clutching their belly as Ransom's mouth makes them leak more. Bitty hands them the quart of milk, instructing them to chug it all. Lardo does, their belly almost instantly tightens, feeling heavier at the bottom. They start to jiggle it unconsciously, whining at how good it feels to hear their full bloated belly churn. Bitty finally joins in, pushing down harshly on their belly. He brushes up and down the front of it, palming it as it it were their dick. It might as well be from how good it feels. Lardo helps Bitty push, rocking their dick further into Ransom's mouth as one of his fingers finds their cunt. He starts to fuck them quickly, adding two more fingers after a moment. Tears start to fall from Lardo's eyes, overwhelmed yet completely in love with their fat body.

"That's it, honey," Bitty coaxes. "You're a big fat man right now. You earned this. Just let us suck your cock and worship your big fat belly."

"I'm a man," Lardo pants.   
"Yes you are," Bitty agrees. He caresses their face while squeezing their belly some more.   
"I'm a big, fat man," they repeat.   
"Only the biggest men for me, honey," Bitty says. "You did such a good job of filling out. I can't wait to keep you fat and suck your dick at all times of the day."   
They can feel their cunt start to gush. It's like the flood gates open. With each burst of honey, Lardo orgasms. They scream in ecstasy as Bitty continues to sweet talk them.

Bitty rubs their belly firmly, pushing down on it as Lardo feels the urge to burp. Bitty pushes even harder, forcing Lardo to burp in his face. When they're done, they immediately go to stroking their belly as Bitty had before. Bitty smiles.  
"You're just a gross fat man," he says as he bends down, gently moving Ransom away from Lardo's dick.   
"I'm sure that's not why I love you," Bitty says. "But I love you regardless."   
He chants a few words before putting his mouth on Lardo's cock. They moan, rubbing their belly faster. They feel their cock widen inside his mouth. It feels just as sensitive as before but _bigger_ .   
"Once we've milked you dry, I'll let you fuck me until I can't stand," Bitty says.   
Lardo feels theirself come in Bitty's mouth. Their cunt is still gushing but their dick seems to have a life of its own. Ransom helps them force more honey down their hole.

They come another two times from Bitty sucking them off. By that time, they're still warm and pudgy, but they can't seem to make their belly any smaller. It's more of a little pot belly at this point, still just as prominent and sensitive but smaller. Bitty gets up, inspecting their belly carefully.   
“We’ll have to stuff you more and try again tonight,” he says. “Is that alright with you, honey?”   
Lardo licks their lips. “Fuck yea it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make the world go 'round 
> 
> Up next: Jack most likely but it could also be Chowder. We'll see


End file.
